I walked further and further away from my reality, searching for escape amidst my lost location. Mentally frantic and anxious, physically resisting the urge to run and shout, simply unable to find the missing puzzles of my soul. And I found the edge, the edge of infinite wonder. I stood at that edge and all I could see beyond me was a million shades of blue. A blend of the salty Kochi sea into the evening Indian sky. Unable to be more conscious of my surroundings, I slumped onto the ground and let my feet dangle at the edge of the boulder. My kimono drenched in saltwater and my jeans stuffed with sand while I could feel parts of my face and body being stung by the drying saltwater that I had jumped into. I tried to look beyond the sea and beyond every edge of the sea that waved in front of me. I could find nothing. I became restless and I kept looking but there was no edge. There was only the edge of the boulder, into an infinite pool of depth and danger. And I released my breath, my heart throbbing slowly as if I reached a climax and as if I fell on the ground I was pushed towards. I found a few curious faces appearing by my side to figure out why I was so overcome with emotions that my face was drenched with tears. It wasn’t the tears that would make the back of your head throb with pain and your nose clog with red veins clawing towards your pupil. It was tears of exhaustion after discovery. Tears of an end I long waited to discover. An end that explained the chaos of my mind, the restlessness of my brain and the dissatisfaction of my soul. An end quite contradictory to its purpose. An end only to lead me to a million new pathways. My hands pushed themselves on the rock and I got up, my feet leading me back towards where I ran away from. Striding to my reality with a light heart and a replenished soul.
Take a book, and write down all the blessings you can count, all your affirmations. Give the universe your positive outlook on your life and the universe will give back to you.’
My mum told me our societies are so consumed by their materialistic pleasures and are deluded with greed in their desperation to save money, that we forget the tiniest blessings we’re surrounded with. We radiate the energy we find within ourselves. She told me, not everybody is perfect, so stop complaining to the universe and start finding the beauty in it.
The Almighty has given me time to reflect on my life, and it helps me radiate the positivity that’s embedded in my soul.’
We believe in the Almighty, the power of the positive and negative energy that radiates around the earth. She told me that to be conscious of your thoughts is the hardest skill to achieve. ‘I meditate, even if it’s only for ten minutes, because it soothes my mind and helps me reflect on my life. It builds on to my gratitude and allows me to take control of the situation I am in.’
3. ‘Accept change, and strive to success
If you really want something, if you want to build healthy relationships, then start accepting the change that you see. Start working towards making yourself and your relationships better. Make peace with old and unresolved conflicts. Make peace with those who will fade away. Make peace with your atmosphere and walk towards the energy that will feed your soul.’
Happy Mothers Day.
This is a rant. A huge rant. It’s ridiculous and loud. Of the million things on my mind, firstly, I haven’t blogged since three months and we’ve already entered 2017 even though I’m not really affected by the beginning of a New Year. Secondly, school.
I love school, but there’s something so annoying about having to study.
Have I become a typical teenager who’s idea of life is sticking my face to social media screens and saying phrases like ‘You only live once’
It’s almost 3 A.M. I’ve got to sit and analyse to poems and a write the impact of a man on a historical event. I don’t mind.
But what I’ve noticed is my growing annoyance towards sitting and studying, why has studying become such a struggle. Of course, I’m a queen when it comes to procrastinating, why on earth is it so much fun.
But get this,
I go to school, every day, an hour to travel, an hour wasted or an hour gained for my daydreaming and socializing.
Alright, that’s there.
Then there’s hours of non stop classes. I love some of them, and in some of my classes you find me sitting in the front row to make sure the teacher thinks I’m interested, while I get carried away in my fantasies and daydreams. It’s fun, I’d rather think about my adventures during camping with my classmates rather than figuring out the weird worm shaped things in a cell.
WHY ON EARTH DO I HAVE TO DRILL THINGS INTO MY MIND. I AM NOT INTERESTED ABOUT THE NAMES OF WORM SHAPED SQUIGGLY THINGS IN THE CELL IN THE PLANT. I’D RATHER READ POETRY AND STUDY THE HISTORY OF CHOCOLATE.
I prefer Math, math is better.
But then there’s eight hours. and of those I guarantee you two hours are completely a waste of time. I COULD USE THOSE TWO HOURS DOING SOMETHING ELSE.
I mean, the cultural norm of sitting in a classroom and studying is something I’m still just not used to. I love art class. We get to sit under the trees or in the balcony and paint and sing and scream. I love history, we have heated debates and discussions and questions. Then there’s biology, where my teacher is constantly reading out points as we jot them down, waiting for the bell to ring. Then there’s the extremely boring classes where everybody sits on facebook and I’m dying to socialize and do something fun.
WE NEED TO CHANGE THIS WHOLE IDEA OF STUDYING.
WE NEED TO CHANGE THE IDEA OF FUN.
And maybe Uni isn’t the only place I’ll discover and learn. Sometimes these cultural norms of studying are so not helpful, I’d rather learn through travelling and exploring.
Oh crap. I need to finish my analysis.
It’s 4 A.M
The constellations are screaming
Children are dreaming
The Almighty is listening.
It was only before time,
That the scattered brain of mine
Joined its clumps in confusion
And came to a horrible conclusion
That nothing seemed to rhyme
That my deadlines had passed my time
That my soul had leaked away
And left my body to decay.
So the thread pulled itself away from the stitches,
and the resistance grew stronger.
So you sit here,
Until you realize you’ve done enough to question yourself.
And gulp your guilt away.
I’ve been meaning to find out the true origin of my commitment, why did I decide to bring faith into my life? Why am I not convinced by athiest debaters and scientologists? How did I become a believer?
There comes a time when you start questioning everything, actually, questioning begins from a really young age. When my mother told me to pray, she said, ask for whatever you want, anything and everything. I remember secretly wishing for a candyland and the largest dairy milk in the world, I remember asking for endless toys and chocolates, and I remember, always finding what I wanted the very next day, or perhaps finding it after some time, or maybe not getting it at all.
Since my upbringing, my family was very keen on making me understand my faith, they wanted me to know why I follow my faith, why I read this and say this. The truth is, I didn’t realize that my faith never made me do something merely out of tradition or culture.
This however, took me a long time to understand, understand my faith. Because I was entangled in a culture oriented society that our faith had become a mere category of being part of this culture, because often, I dealt with people of different faiths, asking me to do things that I was never exposed to, I dealt with people of my city, who disagreed with practices that I thought were morally correct, but they didn’t.
Because I was blind to the fine line between culture and faith, because it had camouflaged so easily that my culture was followed as a flawless practice. And it was then, that I started to find flaws, that I thought were a part of my faith.
You see, it was never faith that disturbed me, it was the cultural interpretation of faith from different diversities that forced my mind into this dimension of ignorance and constant questioning. Ignorance, only because I was vulnerable to it. I still am. I am vulnerable to intolerance and ignorance and arrogance and pride. (But these qualities may not be in a person questioning faith, it was simply my state)
But this is what my faith taught me, it taught me the true meaning of my existence, and to believe, you require strong conviction. I believe in the Almighty, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, the most Wise, the most Just. I do not believe that I am merely a creature that developed from dust. I do not believe in theories.
Because the tides of righteousness have pulled the ocean of my brain towards a calm and serene shore. My heart feels more content with the truth of life. That I need to understand when the value of Materialism began and when Faith was forgotten.
That the world is merely an illusion, and we need to prevent ourselves from being sucked into it’s gold painted treasures.
The 23rd of July 1813.
Dearest Jane Austin,
Halfway through your work called Pride and Prejudice, I was left to wonder endlessly about the life led during the times of Elizabeth Benett. I admire,that during those times, the love and importance of reading and gaining knowledge, of the respect and courtesy men and women had between each other, and the love for literature, were so very important. I admire, Eliza Benett, if I may call her by her nickname, in her being so determined to express her opinion and ensure and reinforce her rights as a young woman in the 18th century.
I am constantly infuriated with Mrs Benett’s complains and cries on how Jane and Elizabeth were about to get married to two quite *reasonable* men but they couldn’t. If I were in the place of Elizabeth I would have probably screamed in rage and cried in frustration of living with Mrs Benett. What I found most offensive, was Mrs Benett calling Eliza rather foolish, when I found Elizabeth and Jane the most understanding and mature of the lot. Kitty and Lydia remind me of the young girls in our world today gossiping about boys and men and being unable to resist their urge to be with someone.
I would like to also summarize my understanding of the times you lived in. Men would work, while women would stay at home and do what they did best when it came to household chores, and modesty and respect was often observed between men and women. I’ve also learnt that perhaps class and money were of the most important to have a status in society. Although Mr Collin’s money and property did not give him much attention, since according to me he was rather foolish and praised himself irresistabily. Thus, what I admire, is the importance of knowledge and intelligence during those times, which I greatly respect. Learning the eagerness of the younger Benetts to get married should not have come as a surprise to me, considering that some girls in families still consider marriage as the main goal in their life in my world today.
However I wonder, how women would spend their lives every single day other than reading,studying, and walking in the park. It intrigues me, to think about the interesting lives they must have led. I am not at all considering household women to live boring and depressing lives, but I am quite curious to learn how they lived their lives with contentment. Moreover, however materialistic their lives may be, compared to our modern world, there is something that defines the description of their lives in one word, simplicity. The simplicity of the life of Elizabeth Benett, although understanding her mind was so not very simple. She was content, respected her cultural beliefs but also allowed her own opinions to voice in and thus knew, how to live a content life. I truly admire Elizabeth Benett, her class, her intelligence, her humility and her grace.
I’ve also learnt, the difference between formality and respect, and the importance in being respectful towards yourself and to your society.
Although I have watched the enactment of your story, it inspired me to read and understand the story through the original piece of literature and through the interesting mind of Elizabeth Benett which did not fail to increase my curiosity after every chapter.
And that I greatly admire, the way you presented your society, and conveyed such a beautiful message.
My sister made my Facebook account when I was seven, I was designing my first Yahoo avatar around the age of 8, three years ago I found myself getting introduced to Instagram, gmail and google+, I had reactivated my Facebook unknowingly at the age of nine, opened a new twitter account just a few months ago, and I’ve had a Skype since the age of 12. Who could forget those good old days of Club Penguin and Fantage? (I did consider them to play a very crucial role in social media.)
The thing is, with my mind raving constantly about various figments of my imagination or past/present/future events, I noticed that Social Media played a big role in my imagination. My perspective has most definitely been remodeled and reshaped multiple times, my attitude and my humility has gone on a very adventurous escapade revealing my bitter and a not so bitter, a quite humble self, and of course, it created a huge impact on my friendship with others and my discovery of my own identity.
But here’s what I’d like to introduce, the illusion that I constantly keep trying to disentangle myself from, the illusion of self satisfaction through counting my likes or waiting for individuals to message me, the illusion of proving my self worth or beauty through pictures or messages, the illusion of happiness, when you’re given all the attention you desire. Why should I call it an illusion? Isn’t it all real?
Of course it’s real, which makes it more illusive, actually. Although I believe that social media has benefited us in multiple ways, this one quality of social media, a quality of illuding one into happiness, when in fact, it consumes the time you could spend discovering your true worth and your passion. We tend to be so consumed in the virtual world, that while liking all the “Carpe Dieme” posts, we’re not really following the mantra are we? Are we really ‘seizing the moment’?
While we sit and ogle at our social media platforms, the technological trance swoons us into the fictitious reality, locking our mindset and perspective,
Until we see another post.
The Social Media addict,