The last Roar.

And so the Bengal Tiger gave his last final roar

his cubs standing tall with all their might brave and mature

The trees parted ways so he could walk towards the Mountain

The mountain on which he ascends from the earth to the heavens

His body died, as his soul marched with pride

His body swiftly walked, while his stripes swayed on his back

Each stripe on his skin a mark of his wise words’ powerful impact

And he reached the top of the mountain, his head held high

Not looking to his cubs for a last goodbye

After all he knew, he would see them again

Tigers and Tigresses, with their cubs admiring his legend.

-J

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Living in the Present.

The most soothing thought that gives me comfort and joy, is that one afternoon on a Sunday, my hair crimped with braids that i slept in overnight, my first ever no-curls wavy hair. The apple scented EverYuth facewash that I washed my face with, It was a pleasantly hot summer afternoon, and as every Sunday passes, this Sunday was exactly the same, mumma sitting on the sofa, the warm ochre shades of the curtains as they were drawn to cover the sunlight, the cool breeze in the hallway and the waft of something delicious from our kitchen. My skin glazed in Vaseline, smooth because i waxed the day before, my body only ever so slightly dressed in a floral dress, the kind you would find as a lazy summer dress. With two or three buttons and a waistline that created a grip perhaps. And of course, lunchtime was the best, this chicken caeser salad, with the cool breeze in the house either from the AC or the fan, the delicious food and the company of my mum, everything was perfect, not a moment did I worry or think about my future, while Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara’s ‘Kwhaabon ke Parindey’ played in my head, ah what bliss.

 

And today, I sit on the corner of my sister’s bed, in London, constantly having the same epiphany, I’m in London, I stare out of her room to give myself a pinch, the beautiful Victorian houses bring me back to the present, the knarly trees that remind me of Harry Potter and the warm orange lights coming out of the windows from a distance. And I tell myself you’re in London. My life is at a pace that I do not seem to understand, yet I do? Emotionally fragile because of my beautiful grandfathers weakening body with a soul ready to depart, and a mental disturbance that has grappled me by the jugular vein, I hear these eerie birds chirping at the 3:22 am of the night, wondering how I will spend my New years Eve this year, and yet I feel weirdly comfortable, knowing that my body and soul are facing the signs of maturity and growth, as I learn to attain emotional strength while my lips read the word of God throughout the day, my body tired yet nourished with self-love, my abdomen soft and calm, just a small contraction and my heart is ready to burst into tears, tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of strength and tears of weakness. Not knowing my future yet feeling at ease, knowing that I trust myself because of the direction that God has created for me, my body drained but my heart gleaming with self-esteem, because to endure so much at once as me is not someone I thought I could ever be.

Your eternal beauty.

Here I am

Cribbing about

the small things that have clouded my head with

anger and frustration and

unnecessary panic and lack of

Patience.

There you are

amidst the chaos and unbearable

struggle. Unable to breathe you can hardly achieve

anything. Too many

obstacles.

And yet your heart finds joy in simply seeing me content and

being able to pray and believe and

loving your life so passionately

your face glowing so brightly

I

cannot believe how

ungrateful I’ve been.

-JalataMelon.

 

The Sick Feeling.

It was only before time,

That the scattered brain of mine

Joined its clumps in confusion

And came to a horrible conclusion

That nothing seemed to rhyme

That my deadlines had passed my time

That my soul had leaked away

And left my body to decay.

-JalataMelon.

 

5.Taking a Leap of Faith.

I’ve been meaning to find out the true origin of my commitment, why did I decide to bring faith into my life? Why am I not convinced by athiest debaters and scientologists? How did I become a believer?

There comes a time when you start questioning everything, actually, questioning begins from a really young age. When my mother told me to pray, she said, ask for whatever you want, anything and everything. I remember secretly wishing for a candyland and the largest dairy milk in the world, I remember asking for endless toys and chocolates, and I remember, always finding what I wanted the very next day, or perhaps finding it after some time, or maybe not getting it at all.

Since my upbringing, my family was very keen on making me understand my faith, they wanted me to know why I follow my faith, why I read this and say this. The truth is, I didn’t realize that my faith never made me do something merely out of tradition or culture.

This however, took me a long time to understand, understand my faith. Because I was entangled in a culture oriented society that our faith had become a mere category of being part of this culture, because often, I dealt with people of different faiths, asking me to do things that I was never exposed to, I dealt with people of my city, who disagreed with practices that I thought were morally correct, but they didn’t.

Because I was blind to the fine line between culture and faith, because it had camouflaged so easily that my culture was followed as a flawless practice. And it was then, that I started to find flaws, that I thought were a part of my faith.

You see, it was never faith that disturbed me, it was the cultural interpretation of faith from different diversities that forced my mind into this dimension of ignorance and constant questioning. Ignorance, only because I was vulnerable to it. I still am. I am vulnerable to intolerance and ignorance and arrogance and pride. (But these qualities may not be in a person questioning faith, it was simply my state)

But this is what my faith taught me, it taught me the true meaning of my existence, and to believe, you require strong conviction. I believe in the Almighty, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, the most Wise, the most Just. I do not believe that I am merely a creature that developed from dust. I do not believe in theories.

Because the tides of righteousness have pulled the ocean of my brain towards a calm and serene shore. My heart feels more content with the truth of life. That I need to understand when the value of Materialism began and when Faith was forgotten.

That the world is merely an illusion, and we need to prevent ourselves from being sucked into it’s gold painted treasures.

-JalataMelon

 

 

 

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