I walked further and further away from my reality, searching for escape amidst my lost location. Mentally frantic and anxious, physically resisting the urge to run and shout, simply unable to find the missing puzzles of my soul. And I found the edge, the edge of infinite wonder. I stood at that edge and all I could see beyond me was a million shades of blue. A blend of the salty Kochi sea into the evening Indian sky. Unable to be more conscious of my surroundings, I slumped onto the ground and let my feet dangle at the edge of the boulder. My kimono drenched in saltwater and my jeans stuffed with sand while I could feel parts of my face and body being stung by the drying saltwater that I had jumped into. I tried to look beyond the sea and beyond every edge of the sea that waved in front of me. I could find nothing. I became restless and I kept looking but there was no edge. There was only the edge of the boulder, into an infinite pool of depth and danger. And I released my breath, my heart throbbing slowly as if I reached a climax and as if I fell on the ground I was pushed towards. I found a few curious faces appearing by my side to figure out why I was so overcome with emotions that my face was drenched with tears. It wasn’t the tears that would make the back of your head throb with pain and your nose clog with red veins clawing towards your pupil. It was tears of exhaustion after discovery. Tears of an end I long waited to discover. An end that explained the chaos of my mind, the restlessness of my brain and the dissatisfaction of my soul. An end quite contradictory to its purpose. An end only to lead me to a million new pathways. My hands pushed themselves on the rock and I got up, my feet leading me back towards where I ran away from. Striding to my reality with a light heart and a replenished soul.
With her forearm she gently pushed away the pile of clutter on her desk and placed another intricately carved pencil case. Plucking a tissue from the box of her Premier special face tissues she rubbed her case and blew through the carvings, ensuring that each nook and cranny was rubbed to perfection. She then pulled out a random selection of pencils from her glittery pencil stand and released them in the circular carved wooden platform. It was midnight, she ran her fingers through her long deep brown hair, gathering the strands towards the back of her head and tightened it together with a black band. She then walked towards her long mirrored cupboard, and found her hands fumbling through the cupboard door to pull out a lipstick. She glossed her lips with a deep violet and smacked them together and gave herself half a smile. She draped herself in a soft satin printed kaftan she brought from the streets of Fort Kochi Beach, and sat cross legged on her bed. A cup of green tea in one hand, and a cube of dark chocolate in the other. She took a deep breath, as she tried to find her calm and satisfaction amidst the chaos. And began wondering what else there was that needed change.
So the thread pulled itself away from the stitches,
and the resistance grew stronger.
They weren’t like the others. Their hearts were not sore. They felt what people had felt no more. They had forgiven, But they did not Forget. Their scars and bruises had not made them Regret. It was a sign, and they were Proud. If only you knew what this all is About.
The World is at Peace, Now No One will Bleed.
Or So I Dream.